Father's Day

It's been 24 years since my daddy passed away and yes time does allow the heartache and pain to subside.  What time doesn't allow is for the yearning to go away.  The yearning to have my daddy hold my hand, the yearning to have my daddy give me the big bear hugs he was so good at, the yearning to hear his voice, to see his face, to smell his cologne, to get his advice, to watch him love my children, and to know the peace that came with knowing he was my rock!

We have had such a quiet Father's Day today that it has given me more time than I care to have to miss him and to long for just one more second with him!  Father's Day was always so special with him.  We would get up and go to church, he would wear a rose on his coat lapel ...always a red rose.  A rose that picked out of my parent's yard and it wasn't just a ritual on Father's Day but every Sunday that his roses were blooming.  I can see him now going outside to pick the perfect rose to wear. 

He tolerated and sometimes even loved the gifts we would give him - typical of most fathers I think.  One thing I knew for sure is that no matter what material gift I gave him the most precious gift was just loving him and spending time with him.  And I loved spending time with him.  I always wanted his approval and I always wanted to make him proud.  I pray that I have become a woman he would be proud of, a mother he would be proud of and a grandmother he would be proud of. 

If I could have one more second with him on this side of heaven, just hearing his voice would be enough.  I love you daddy and miss you so much! 

Life may be tough....but I got a God that is tougher

I need to kneel more! 

Lately the only word that I can find to describe myself or my feelings is "unglued".  I am normally a much calmer, a much in control type personality and I am normally more grounded.  What the heck is going on with me?!?!?  Life has gotten tough and it has been challening but this is not the first time my life has had challenges.  Any way when Lent started I asked Loitton to participate in an exercise that I thought we might both benefit from.  Each night after dinner, we are to think of one positive in the day...one thing we are thankful for and write it down.  On Easter morning we are going to look back on all of our post it notes and see how blessed we are.  Well we started on the exercise and the first few days were easy and going great.  Then on about day 12 we hit a wall!  Loitton had no comments and my disappointment in that kept me from wanting to see the positives in my day. Instead of making a big deal about it though I chose to record three days of his exercise as "no comment" and I recorded mine and we moved on.  During those three days I got an email from an online devotion that I read and it was advertising a devotion book called "Unglued".  It is a 60 day challenge to make wise choices in the midst of raw emotions.  It is a tool to help you be less loud when you are upset, less prone to stuff down bitterness and to realize all of this is a work in progress.  It said before you start the 60 day devotion to realize your emotions will still get messy but that is when grace steps in and wraps mercy around us and when we need God the most.  It clicked with me and I knew I need His help, the help that only God can provide and I need time spent with God.  I hope I am up for the challenge and I pray that God will work in me and through me and help me deal with challenging relationships and struggles.  I know God will do his part ....I just need to do mine.  

New Year

I was asked today what my new year resolutions are going to be.  My response was that I do not have any or I guess I should say I'm not making any.  The term  "resolution" seems so formal and seems like  way to set yourself up for failure.  Therefore I would like to think of this new year as 365 days of opportunities.   Opportunities to make each day count.  Opportunities to show my loved ones how special they are.  Opportunities to pray more, eat better, exercise more, stop overcommitting myself, and  start spending more quality time with my family.

I am grateful for 2012 but sure look forward to a new year and pray that God will grant us strength, courage and peace in the days ahead.  I wish the same for you too!