Father's Day

It's been 24 years since my daddy passed away and yes time does allow the heartache and pain to subside.  What time doesn't allow is for the yearning to go away.  The yearning to have my daddy hold my hand, the yearning to have my daddy give me the big bear hugs he was so good at, the yearning to hear his voice, to see his face, to smell his cologne, to get his advice, to watch him love my children, and to know the peace that came with knowing he was my rock!

We have had such a quiet Father's Day today that it has given me more time than I care to have to miss him and to long for just one more second with him!  Father's Day was always so special with him.  We would get up and go to church, he would wear a rose on his coat lapel ...always a red rose.  A rose that picked out of my parent's yard and it wasn't just a ritual on Father's Day but every Sunday that his roses were blooming.  I can see him now going outside to pick the perfect rose to wear. 

He tolerated and sometimes even loved the gifts we would give him - typical of most fathers I think.  One thing I knew for sure is that no matter what material gift I gave him the most precious gift was just loving him and spending time with him.  And I loved spending time with him.  I always wanted his approval and I always wanted to make him proud.  I pray that I have become a woman he would be proud of, a mother he would be proud of and a grandmother he would be proud of. 

If I could have one more second with him on this side of heaven, just hearing his voice would be enough.  I love you daddy and miss you so much! 

Life may be tough....but I got a God that is tougher

I need to kneel more! 

Lately the only word that I can find to describe myself or my feelings is "unglued".  I am normally a much calmer, a much in control type personality and I am normally more grounded.  What the heck is going on with me?!?!?  Life has gotten tough and it has been challening but this is not the first time my life has had challenges.  Any way when Lent started I asked Loitton to participate in an exercise that I thought we might both benefit from.  Each night after dinner, we are to think of one positive in the day...one thing we are thankful for and write it down.  On Easter morning we are going to look back on all of our post it notes and see how blessed we are.  Well we started on the exercise and the first few days were easy and going great.  Then on about day 12 we hit a wall!  Loitton had no comments and my disappointment in that kept me from wanting to see the positives in my day. Instead of making a big deal about it though I chose to record three days of his exercise as "no comment" and I recorded mine and we moved on.  During those three days I got an email from an online devotion that I read and it was advertising a devotion book called "Unglued".  It is a 60 day challenge to make wise choices in the midst of raw emotions.  It is a tool to help you be less loud when you are upset, less prone to stuff down bitterness and to realize all of this is a work in progress.  It said before you start the 60 day devotion to realize your emotions will still get messy but that is when grace steps in and wraps mercy around us and when we need God the most.  It clicked with me and I knew I need His help, the help that only God can provide and I need time spent with God.  I hope I am up for the challenge and I pray that God will work in me and through me and help me deal with challenging relationships and struggles.  I know God will do his part ....I just need to do mine.  

New Year

I was asked today what my new year resolutions are going to be.  My response was that I do not have any or I guess I should say I'm not making any.  The term  "resolution" seems so formal and seems like  way to set yourself up for failure.  Therefore I would like to think of this new year as 365 days of opportunities.   Opportunities to make each day count.  Opportunities to show my loved ones how special they are.  Opportunities to pray more, eat better, exercise more, stop overcommitting myself, and  start spending more quality time with my family.

I am grateful for 2012 but sure look forward to a new year and pray that God will grant us strength, courage and peace in the days ahead.  I wish the same for you too!    

Just some thoughts

Recently Heather wrote a blog post about some things our family has learned recently. I too had some thoughts on that.  Besides learning that Loitton has prostate cancer, we learned that Loitton has been dealing with Afib for probably years, we learned that faith and family get you through everything in life, we learned that some friends are like family and prayers can be felt.  I also learned a few other things.  I learned that when you tell someone you have prostate cancer you DO NOT want to hear that at least that is a good kind of cancer to have.  There is NO good kind.  I learned that you do not want to have to wait in a doctor's office for 1 and 1/2 hours before being seen.  You do not want to get to the doctor's office for the results of a biopsy and be told that they do not have your results after waiting 10 days.  You are also do not want to have to waits weeks more before being seen by an oncologist. 

On a bright side, you do like to receive encouraging emails, text messages and pictures ...pictures with no words but pictures that speak volumes.  You also like to encounter "angels" .  The day we went to the hospital for Loitton to have his bone scan and CT scan, a lady touched his shirt and told him "good luck and God bless you".  A woman we do not know, have never seen and will never see again.  I like to think an angel.  On that same day as we waited for him to have his scans, another "angel" passed me an envelope and told me that she wanted me to read the contents when I got home.   Minutes later, she asked me to step in the hall and she said I want you to know my paycheck comes from this hospital but I work for a higher Being.  She said she was compelled to encourage me and at that point shared the results of one of the scans with me.  She said our family deserved some good news.  So many times that day we were touched by very special people and text messages.  How awesome. 

We are only beginning this journey but I know God loves us and has plans for us.  I know we will have challenging days, sad days, days where all of this still seems like a bad dream...but I am trusting that we will have many bright days.  Please pray for us and pray that God will sustain us as only God can!         

Tough few weeks

Faith makes all things possible.... love makes all things easy.  That's all I got and that's all I need!!!

F.a.m.i.l.y

Having a place to go - is a home. Having someone to love - is a family. Having both - is a blessing. ~Donna Hedges

I experienced the "blessing" this past weekend.  Our family, minus Kyle and Hunter, decided to turn our annual apple picking trip into a full weekend in the mountains.  What a great decision on our part.  Loitton and I even extended the weekend an extra day and went on Thursday.  We arrived in the mountains of North Carolina, picked up the keys to our house and headed up the moutain to find it.  When we arrived we just stood on the front porch and tried to take in the breath taking view.  Heather did a great job of finding a very special house to accomodate our family.  Loitton and I had dinner and then headed back to the house to enjoy an evening of just the two of us.  We always enjoy and value our time together however we both look forward to our children and grandchildren being with us.  They arrived on Friday evening and we all settled in for a night of family and catching up.  

Saturday we got up and had a great a breakfast.  One thing about our family is we love cooking together and everyone chips in.  Some of the family picks at Owens and won't allow him to cook grits any more however I would eat his grits if he fixed them :)  True Mother's love!  We then ventured out and took a nature walk and visited Chimney Rock and all the little shops there.  Loitton and I wanted to take Morgan Kate for an ice cream cone and just the basics of eating ice cream together as a family was so much fun.  Saturday evening we grilled some delicious steaks with the trimmings and then just hung out.  We even managed to get in a little "training session" on Instagram and Heytell.  We always laugh about feeling like "The Waltons" when it comes to bed time.  We all go around telling each other good night, we love you and lights out.  For those of you who aren't familiar with the Waltons, that was their nightly routine.    

Sunday was our apple picking day.  We go to Sky Top Orchard.  We love taking our picture each year with the measuring stick so we can see how much Morgan Kate has grown.  One thing that we have learned from our annual trips is do not go to the far end of the orchard, pick all your apples and then have to carry them back up the huge hill to pay for them.  This year, we let Morgan Kate pick a few and then we just waited until we got back to the main shed and bought our apples.  Smart move on our part!

As we parted ways to head home on Sunday afternoon, Loitton was just so sure I was going to cry...I normally do when I leave my children.  This time, my heart was just so full and content with love that all I could do was smile and talk about going back again next year.  I love that our children will take the time to spend a weekend with us....may I never take that for granted.  Until next year. 

Getting older and not so crazy about it

I haven't blogged in while.  Not because I don't like doing it but because the days are literally slipping by.  The days turn into weeks which turn into months and here I am 4 months later attempting to write.

In Isaiah 46:3-4, scripture says "I have created you and cared for you since you were born. I will be your God through all your lifetime, Yes, even when your hair is white with age. I made you and I will care for you."   With such good hairdressers these days, I'm not sure about the hair white with age, but I know that God will be with me all of my lifetime and take care of me for all of my days.

I have been thinking about age or getting older a good bit lately.  I have always thought that I never "felt my age".  I have always thought I was pretty active, played hard, and tried to stay in fairly good shape.  I have loved that feeling.  Well recently things have changed somewhat.  I have been struggling with my hands....lots of pain and not the strength I am used to having.  I finally decided to go to the doctor and have things checked out.  Convinced I either had carpal tunnel or a torn ligament of some sort.  I go, have an xray and wait for the results.  The doctor actually called me with the results and said it with neither of those things.  It was arthritis!  In that moment I felt old as dirt.  Arthritis...isn't that an old persons problem, not mine.  She said it was from the "wear and tear" on your body.  Wear and tear!  Heck had I known I would pay like this for playing hard I might not would have played so hard.   I mean when you are younger you are encouraged to be active, play sports, enjoy life but no one tells you you might pay for it later in life.  As I started to read about arthritis, it stated that this particular kind shows up in women around the age of 55.  BINGO!  For the next four days I am exactly that.   Then I got sad thinking if I hurt this bad at 55, what the heck will 56 bring! 

I have finally put on my big girl panties and realized that no matter what the age of 56 brings, I will have my God, my family and my friends right beside me.  Even though I might be "feeling my age"
I am determined to press through the pain and not let it get the best of me.  My mom has been dealing with arthritis for many years and I rarely hear her complain about it so hopefully I will follow in her footsteps!   Here's to turning another year older.